* Polygyny, good for men’s prostate health: Imam Adebayo
* Monogamy imposed on Africans by West: Marriage Counsellor
The Criterion, an association of Muslim women in business and other professions, has advocated for justice in the practice of polygyny, saying it’s a means of correcting societal imbalance not meant to punish women.
The faith-based Muslim women organisation said that polygyny is not the rule but a solution to some social and communal challenges that are often brought about by natural occurrences and sometimes man-made.
In a communique signed by its Amirah (female president), Hajia Mariam Morenike Saba and presented before the participants by the General Secretary, Hajia Qudrat Okanlawon at the end of its annual seminar, The Criterion also stated that monogamy is not a guarantee for happy and blissful marriage just as it is not a sentence to hell and unhappiness in marriage.
Members of the organisation and their male counterparts from The Companion graced the discourse held on Sunday, January 12 at the Shamsideen Adisa Thomas Mosque, Old Secretariat, Ikeja Lagos.
The discourse has a theme: Polygyny In Islam: Understanding the Divine Guidance and a Means to Social Justice”.
Polygyny, according to Islam, is a marriage practice where a man marries several wives, but limited to four as established in Qur’an 4 verse 3 where Allah says:
“…If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, Two or Three of four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice.”
The seminar paraded two great speakers: Imam of Police Barracks, Falomo, Dr Tajudeen Adebayo, who spoke on the topic: “Polygyny: A Means to Social Justice and Family Harmony”, while a marriage counsellor, Hajia Mariam Odunayo Nurudeen-Arole, debunked the misconceptions about polygyny in Islam and the West.
It was chaired by the current President of the Association for Hajj and Umrah Operators of Nigeria (AHOUN), Alhaji Abdufattah AbdulMajeed, and attended by the former National Amir of The Companion, Alh Musibau Oyefeso; the Executive Secretary of the organisation, Dr Rafiu Alabi and Amir, The Companion, Lagos District, Alhaji Abdul Kabir Olayiwola Baruwa, among others.
Muslim News gathered that no fewer than 137 participants benefitted from the free medical screening carried out by the FAJIM Medicare Foundation Team as part of the activities line-up for the seminar. They were screened for hypertension, diabetes, obesity, prostate cancer, hepatitis B virus infection and malaria.
Hajia Saba said polygyny, otherwise known as “mathna” serves several social and moral purposes including the protection of widows and orphans, control of immorality and demographic imbalance.
She, however, said it could be seen as figure 6 or 9 depending on the perception and experiences of the individual.
According to her, polygyny is a means of correcting societal imbalance, and it is not meant to punish women but to protect them as Allah has assigned to every woman at any stage of her life a man who takes care of her. As a daughter, her father is responsible for her; as a wife, her husband is responsible for her care; as a divorcee, her family takes care of her because a woman without a man is prone to abuse.
“Polygyny is desirable but not meant for every man. Abuse of this provision is not the fault of the institution but that of the practitioners. Justice is, therefore, the main qualifier to practice it,” she noted.
The Muslim organisation stressed that polygyny should not be seen as an indication that the 1st wife is no longer wanted or loved, saying that it may give room for an unappreciative man to begin to appreciate some traits in his 1st wife.
“While monogamy is seen as the norm, polygyny if practiced with the fear of Allah and pure intention and as a means to move closer to Allah; it is a means of gaining the pleasure of Allah in this world and the hereafter.”
The communique highlighted some of the tips required for a successful practice of multiple marriage in Islam. They include sincerity and good intention, Istikharah (seeking Allah’s guidance), Istishaarah (consultation), effective communication, Dua for good choice and sustainability, assurance of Justice as much as humanly possible, Gentility with the first wife, especially at the beginning, and understanding by the 1st wife, among others.
Polygyny, good for men’s prostate health: Imam Adebayo
Dr. Adebayo, in his presentation, emphasised the relevance of polygyny to men’s health, saying that it prevents prostrate enlargements.
He said: “Studies have shown that prostate challenges are faster to come the way of men with one wife than those who are into polygyny. The truth of the matter is that one woman is not sufficient to take care of a normal man throughout his lifetime. Sometimes, in the month, she is naturally unavailable. She is equally not available after childbirth for at least 40 days. That may be added to days when she comes back home tired from work.
“When old age sets in, she is naturally not disposed to any sexual advance. We don’t have to deceive ourselves as Muslims. We are lucky to have a provision for polygyny in our sacred book. Those who don’t have it are envious of us. Some of them are technically monogamous, but in their privacy, they have many side chicks who might turn up at his graveside to pay their last respect to their breadwinners.
He recounted his personal experience when he wanted to take a second wife at the Police Barracks; Falomo’s Imam said, “It is usually difficult to get a 2nd wife, especially when the 1st marriage is working. If you get it right, it is good for you, but if you get it wrong, you will have yourself to blame. Because we don’t have the luxury of time that we had while taking the 1st wife. There is a tendency to marry the wrong woman out of a hurry, especially when the 1st wife is not supportive of the idea.
“In my case, I was lucky to have the support of my 1st wife, and that made it easy for me. We were together at the scene of Aqdu Nikaah, and she didn’t bother discussing the idea with any of her family members until we tied the knot. My younger wife, who is slightly older than my 1st child and very respectful, looks up to her as a mother. My older children see their stepmother as a big sister that they can easily relate to. I was fortunate to do what all my elder brothers, who have taken the route before me, could not do. While they maintain two separate homes, I maintain only one home with my two wives.”
West imposes monogamy on Africans as the only acceptable option: Marriage Counsellor
Mrs. Mariam Nurudeen-Arole, a matchmaker and marriage counsellor argued that the West normalised the impression that monogamy is the only acceptable and considerable option for marriage.
She said, “They have influenced us and imposed on us the idea of one man wife. However, the realities in our clime show that it’s not the only recognisable option. More people have been practising and embracing polygyny in recent times.
“We can still practice monogamy, but we should also look at the possibility of men having more than one wife. We’re here to change the misconceptions and make women understand that their husbands can love genuinely and still take in more wives.”
The marriage counsellor highlighted what should be done to change the narratives and disclosed that proper practice of polygyny will solve societal problems.
“To change the narratives, we need platforms like this, to seek clarity, have a change of mindset, consume good content on Polygyny, and hear the good side of the story. I’m personally working on a project where I’ll be sharing positive stories on Polygyny anonymously.
“In short, Polygyny will solve some of our societal problems today. As a matchmaker, I see many women seeking husbands, and many of them are not ready to delve into the polygyny out of shame when we have men that are capable, willing, and ready to take more wives,” she added.
Sponsored
Fantastic programme