By Abdul-Mumin Abdul-Quadir
* As National Missioner Ansar-Ud-Deen calls for collective action, warns against blame game
Muslim scholars, legal practitioners, medical experts and mental health professionals on Sunday converged in Lagos to demystify polygyny in Islam, stressing that the practice is a responsibility guided by compassion and justice, not a battlefield for emotional harm or social conflict.
The discourse took place at the maiden edition of Polygyny With Purpose (PWP) Conference, held on Sunday, 8 February 2026, at the Alausa Secretariat Community Central Mosque, Ikeja.
The conference, themed “Compassion, Courage and Commitment: The Realities of Polygyny,” attracted participants from diverse backgrounds, including individuals in polygynous families, counsellors and community leaders.
Convener of the conference, Hajia Sideeqah Tunde-Lawal FICMC, said the initiative was designed to restore balance and purpose to conversations around polygyny, which she noted are often dominated by extremes.
“Polygyny is not merely a concept in books or a topic for debate. It is a lived experience for real families. Homes are affected, hearts are involved, women carry silent burdens, men face heavy responsibilities and children absorb more than we often realise,” she said.
According to her, the conference was neither to promote nor demonise polygyny, but to create a safe space for honest, informed and compassionate engagement.
She emphasised that Islam permits polygyny with strict conditions and does not excuse injustice, neglect or emotional harm.
“Islam did not permit polygyny without responsibility. That is why we brought together experts from faith, law, medicine, psychology and lived experiences to speak constructively,” Hajia Tunde-Lawal added, urging participants to listen with open minds.
Convener lauds success of maiden PWP Conference
The convener expressed gratitude following the success of the conference, offering special thanks to Allah and appreciating her husband, Sheikh Abdur-Rahman Ahmad (hafidhahuLlaah), for his unwavering support.
She also acknowledged the support of her parents, siblings, and members of the organising team for their efforts. In addition, she recognised the presence of the Akire of Ikire-Ile, His Royal Majesty Ọba Abdulazeez Olatunbosun Adebamiji, as well as the contributions of donors, sponsors, speakers, guests, and attendees.
She further commended members of the Thriving Subsequents Hub and the Journey To Tranquility (JTT) community for their support.
Ansar-Ud-Deen Missioner calls for collective responsibility on polygyny challenges
The National Missioner of Ansar-Ud-Deen Society of Nigeria and host, Sheikh Abdur-Rahman Ahmad identified deep-rooted and pressing challenges surrounding polygyny, calling on all stakeholders to rise collectively to address the realities confronting families.
In his keynote address, the respected Muslim scholar said the problems associated with polygyny are real and cannot be ignored or glossed over.
According to him, many families are silently struggling, making it imperative for the Muslim community to confront the issues honestly.
“We cannot undermine the fact that there are serious problems. The challenges surrounding polygyny are crucial at this time. There is no need for euphemism on the subject. People are going through a lot, and there is a dire need to act,” he said.
He warned against the culture of blame, noting that constant finger-pointing only delays solutions. “At this point, playing the blame game will not change anything. If we keep accusing one another, then we are not ready for solutions. All hands must be on deck because everyone has a role to play,” he added.
Sheikh Ahmad also cautioned women against raising sons who are not self-reliant, stressing that poor upbringing contributes significantly to crises in both monogamous and polygynous homes.
“This is not only about polygyny. Many homes today are in chaos because mothers are raising men who are dependent. They cook for them, wash for them and add little value to their development as individuals. These boys grow into men, get married and become a burden to their wives,” he said.
He urged mothers to begin raising responsible and supportive men who can fulfil their marital responsibilities with maturity.
The National Missioner further advised women to emotionally prepare themselves for the possibility of polygyny, warning against the assumption that it can never happen in their marriages. He also identified poor communication as a major obstacle to peace and harmony in homes.
“Generally, we do not know how to communicate effectively. Many women do not know how to express their concerns constructively and resort to confrontation. This often provokes improper reactions from men who also lack the skills to respond calmly,” he explained.
Sheikh Ahmad charged both men and women to discharge their marital obligations religiously, stressing that adherence to Islamic principles remains key to achieving stability and harmony in family life.
Panel sessions offer practical, faith-Based guidance
The conference featured male, female and professional panel sessions, during which speakers offered practical and faith-based guidance aimed at safeguarding the emotional, spiritual and psychological well-being of families in polygynous homes.
Trust in Allah and emotional caution
Mrs Ameenah Djakoli-Ikunna advised women to place their trust in Allah when confronted with the reality of polygyny, describing it as a major emotional test.
“It will always come as a shock. No woman expects it or sees it coming. It is a big test and a reason to draw closer to Allah through sincere prayers,” she said.
She further cautioned women against displaying overwhelming emotions in the presence of their children, stressing the need to protect them from emotional trauma.
Emotional intelligence and the role of co-wives
Speaking from the perspective of a subsequent wife, Dr Raliat Ibrahim-Oyetunde emphasised the importance of emotional intelligence in navigating polygyny.
She noted that the needs of a subsequent wife and the concerns of the first wife can coexist, adding that jealousy is a natural human emotion and not a spiritual failure.
“Your pain, agitation and jealousy are valid. It is acceptable to feel that way, but feeding jealousy is what should be avoided. Curb it and wish for your sister what you wish for yourself,” she advised.
She added that while co-wives are not solely responsible for coordination in polygyny, they can choose not to weaponise their individual spaces against one another.
Men’s responsibility andental health protection
Sheikh Abdullah Ali Jababata stressed that men bear a greater responsibility in protecting the mental health of their wives, particularly those who allow them to take another wife.
“Men are more jealous than women, yet women often find it easier to overlook their husband taking another wife. Men must therefore do more to treat their wives with righteousness and fairness,” he said.
Qur’anic guidance and family prioritisation
Air Commodore Lukman Lawal urged families in polygyny to make the Qur’an their guiding framework and to remain conscious of accountability in the Hereafter.
“Read the Qur’an, understand its message and let it guide your actions. Family is fundamental. Do not force friendship among your wives. If it happens naturally, then you are fortunate. Protect your household and safeguard your children,” he advised.
Mental health experts sound warning
Mental health practitioner, Dr Olumuyiwa Balogun-Oluwa, lamented the lack of attention given to the psychological impact of polygyny, particularly on women.
“We often downplay its psychological effects and ignore marital counselling. There should be structured fora where all parties can openly discuss and harmonise expectations,” he said.
Dr Rasheedah Oke-Olaniyan described polygyny as unpredictable and urged society to validate the emotions of those involved.
“Polygyny is an ocean. You do not know its depth until you enter it. What we often see as jealousy is deep emotional pain that society trivialises,” she noted.
Dr Asmau Hamzah-Sayi further explained that mental stress can manifest in unexpected physical symptoms, including loss of mobility, speech or vision.
Call for empathy and responsible leadership
Mr Muhammad Ahmad called for empathy and responsibility, especially from men, cautioning against selfish decisions after the first marriage.
“Consider your wives and children before taking another wife. Men are often the problem, yet many are resistant to therapy,” he said.
Akire of Ikire-Ile urges monarchs to follow Islam
Akire of Ikire-Ile, His Royal Majesty Ọba Abdulazeez Olatunbosun Adebamiji, who served as royal father of the day, highlighted the similarities and differences between Islamic and Yoruba traditional practices of polygyny, noting that Islam clearly regulates the number of wives a man may take.
He urged Muslim monarchs to desist from practices contrary to Islamic teachings.
Judiciary commends initiative
Judge of the Lagos State High Court, Hon. Justice Abdul-Ganiyy Balogun, commended the organisers, describing the conference as timely and necessary.
“As a judge, I see many family-related cases, and I have learnt a lot today. We should deal with one another in empathy and not expect perfection,” he said.
Participants and attendees described the conference as enlightening and impactful. A female attendee, Hajia Muhibat Salau-Yusuf, said the programme met and exceeded her expectations.
Overall, the conference underscored the need for compassion, accountability, mental health awareness and faith-based guidance in addressing the realities of polygyny, while calling for continued dialogue and structured support for families navigating its complexities.
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