• Proffer solutions at LEMU Quarterly Da’wah Workshop
Muslim scholars and marriage counsellors have decried the prevalence of broken homes incidences, saying the menace is responsible for the high rate of social ills in Nigeria.
Speaking at phase one of the 2024 quarterly Da’wah workshop of Lekki Muslim Ummah (LEMU) with the theme, “Towards a Happy Marriage”, the stakeholders emphasised the need to strengthen the institution of marriage and stem intolerance in Nigeria to enhance prosperity, growth and national cohesion.
Muslim News gathered that five speakers spoke on the topics of “Finding a righteous spouse”, “How to make your Marriage Work” and “Marriage Ceremonies: The Islamic Guidelines.”
They included the Imam (Dr.) Ridwan Jamiu, the Chief Imam of LEMU; Prof. Fatimah Abdulkareem; Imam Nojeem Jimoh; Dr. Rasheedah Oke-Olaniyan and Shaykh (Dr.) Munirdeen Salahudeen Ar-Rudaadi.
Factors responsible for broken homes: Imam Jimoh
The Lighthouse Imam, Lekki, described the increasing rate of broken homes as “very sad” and “alarming” saying that many couples have gone astray from the prescription of Allah in upholding the institution of marriage.
Highlighting factors responsible for broken homes, Imam Jimoh said, “We find husbands and wives competing rather than cooperating. We find husbands believing that the responsibility of the home must be shared. We find wives as one of our lecturers pointed out on her own wanting to build the house. There’s nothing wrong with that except that the husband is struggling to put food on the table and Allah has not forbidden our women from helping in the house.
“We find our women getting themselves entangled in the social lives such that they are having to do Aso ebi today, Aso ebi tomorrow for which they do not have the capacity and the man is struggling to be able to live with that. Generally, we are lacking in understanding; both of them don’t know the reason and essence of their marriage; they just want to marry and have children whereas marriage is an act of worship itself.
Imam Jimoh, while speaking with participants at the event held at Lekki Central Mosque Hall on Sunday, January 14, believes that achieving a happy marriage is possible, adding that the intention of Allah for mankind is to be happy in their marriages.
He said, That is why the very first thing Allah says He has permitted us to do is to live together in tranquillity (Qur’an 30:21). That is the primary thing that Allah intends for men and women, as such it is possible.
He, however, noted that it comes with conditions, some of which include that the couple “are both believers, who fear Allah and source of reminder to the other about Allah. The man bears his responsibilities to the satisfaction of the wife. The wife on her part plays her role to the satisfaction of the husband. The marriage is blessed with a child or children and the couple raise their children as a believing family.”
Effective communication makes marriage work
On her part, Dr. Oke-Olaniyan, the proprietress of Daru Salam Tafidh International Academy, called on couples to make their marriages work through effective communication and perseverance among themselves in the face of challenges.
From left Alhaja Serifat Baoku, member, Zakat and Sadaqah committee, Lekki Muslim Ummah, LEMU and cross sections of other Muslim women during Lekki Muslim Ummah Quarterly Da’wah workshop
According to her, one of the things to do to make marriages work is effective communication and while communicating effectively, be patient and empathetic. You should put yourself in your spouse’s position. Ask yourself that whatever you want to say, will it go down well with your partner or how will you feel if you’re being told the same thing.
“Thinking about the future and hereafter together with your spouse is another way to make the marriage work. Remember that we are all role models and mentors to our children and our unborn children. Definitely we are not planning for now, but for our hereafter. When you are going into such a marriage, you have a mind that you want to be together till jannah. If you want to make your marriage work, you need to be able to think about jannah; how do you want to do it to make it together in jannah.
During her lecture, the renowned martial counselor spoke about love and intimacy, saying many couples are shy to talk about it.
“There is no love and understanding in marriage again if there is no intimacy. Definitely, where there is a broken relationship, there is need for the couple to work on it,” she said,
She added, “We need to look inward, especially our vision, mission and the reason we went into the marriage in the first place. Are we still on that mission or not? Then, if we are not, we need to go back to revisit the mission.
She concluded by saying that the implication of a broken home is not to the marriage alone but to the society,” and urged couples to be patient, persevere and understand each other during difficult times.
Imam Lekki seeks law to criminalise abandonment of family responsibilities
The host Imam, Dr Ridwan Jamiu, called for the enactment of a law which makes it an offence for men to abandon their obligations and not fulfilling their duties towards their families.
Speaking on the sidelines of the workshop, he said, “The family is a unit of the society. When families are healthy and sound, the communities would be healthy and the nation would also be healthy and sound. If families are unhealthy, communities would be unhealthy and it would affect the nation.
“Many social challenges we have today are as a result of family and marriage breakdowns. For example, you may see some children who have taken to drug abuse. It is because the parents are no longer living together.
“They end up being children of the society. They begin to keep bad friends who influence them negatively. There can hardly be successful parenting without successful coupling.
“Some people are abandoning their families because of lack of faith, because anyone who truly believes in Allah would not do such a thing.
“Again, there is no such strong and robust law that would checkmate this kind of thing in the society because if you know it is a crime for you to abandon your family, that would serve as a deterrent. Anyone who tries to do it knows that if he is apprehended, there is a way he is going to be punished for it.
“For example, the issue of Almajirai in the north. If parents know that if the government sees any child on the road who is not being taken care of by their family, they would be punished, they would think twice before doing such a thing.”
Building a happy family rests on good Marriage: LEMU President
Earlier in his welcome address, the president of LEMU, Alhaji Abdulganiyu Labinjo said Marriage is the first step towards building a happy family, a happy community and a happy nation.
“Therefore, this is a very important topic which is fundamental to our survival as a nation. What happens in the family resonates a lot with what happens in the world,” he said.
He referred to a study commissioned by the Lagos State Deputy Governor, Dr. Kadri Obafemi Hamza which showed that 70 percent of widows “have husbands who are alive but not available.”
Alhaji Labinjo lamented that the society is full of men who after marriage with children, disappear, leaving the responsibility of child upbringing to their women.
“We are getting it wrong. Marriage is not just a ceremony but what happens thereafter.”
The President noted that parents tend to spend more time and energy on raising female children than their male counterparts, adding, “We forget that the male child we did not train very well will marry the female child we trained very well. Many men today are aware of their authorities but not aware of the responsibilities that come with it.”
Uphold the institution of marriage, Ninalowo urged
Chairman of the occasion, Alhaji Abdulmojeed Ninalowo urged the people to uphold the institution of marriage, saying it is very key to national development.
He advised couples not to ever make a new year resolution to leave their marriages. He advised men to bear in mind that marriage is for both men and women and not for the women alone.
Sheikh Munirudeen on his part said, “All of us must make our marriages work. It is an act of Ibadah (worship) to make it work. Fear Allah in dealing with each other and we need dua to make it work.”
