By Yusuf Zaynab Eniola
• MSSN Lagos holds Ummahaat Day
• Amirah asks parents to guide wards against fraud, prostitution
A panel of Muslim professionals have suggested good parenting as an antidote to societal decadence in Nigeria.
The panel session including counselors, administrators, and teachers, spoke at the 1445 AH/2024 Annual Ummahaat Day of the Muslim Students’ Society of Nigeria (MSSN), Lagos State Area Unit on Sunday, February 25, 2023.
Muslim News reports that the event took place at the AS Badeh Event Centre, Nigerian Armed Forces Resettlement Centre (NAFRC) in Oshodi with the theme: ‘The Unique Shepherd’.
The panellists said the leadership crisis facing Nigeria can also be solved through good parenting because children grow up to become leaders in future.
“Good parenting is key to resolving our challenges. The leaders of today were the children of yesterday. If one is well-trained in childhood, it will manifest during adulthood. So, parenting cannot be ruled out here. Many Nigerians prefer economic gains to creating quality time for their children, which is telling much about the lives of our children,” one of the panellists, Hajia Shafi’i Bushrat emphasised.
She said mothers need to set their priorities right, bearing in mind that their primary assignment is to take of the children.
“There is no gainsaying we need money to take care of them. But we should put money and the economy in their rightful place, and not place them above training our children. While we were growing up, it’s not that most of our parents were very rich but the little they had, they were able to manage and they succeeded in training us. Women, especially, need to set their priorities right. They should give quality and enough time for the children. They should not allow materialism to prevent them from contributing positively to the lives of their children.”
In the same vein, another panelist, Hajia Sekinah Surakah Aderibigbe said there are still more gaps to cover in terms of parenting in the country.
She said poor parenting makes children feel unwanted, unkempt and unloved, encouraging women to make the right choices for marriage.
“There is a need for intentional parenting and making the right choices for ourselves and our marriages. As Islam has taught us, the right choice in marriage goes beyond what you want for yourself immediately, it also involves what you want in the future. Muslims need to understand the kind of family they want to build and the children they want to raise. All these should inform their choice of marriage.
“Mothers should not just be spiritual alone. They have to be aware emotionally, physically, socially and learn a lot of things that have to do with parenting. Even the best parents also learn. Learning is a continuous process. Ultimately, we also need to pray to Allah for guidance. Children of prophets and righteous ones also misbehave. So, we should turn to Allah to seek help.”
For her part, Hajia Ameenah Yunus Alli said most parents did not prepare for the impacts of digital technology in their lives and families.
According to her, there is a lot of work parents need to do with the present realities than they needed to do some 20 or 40 years ago.
“People don’t have time for one another in the present world. We assume that when we Facetime, Snapchat and WhatsApp, it’s enough as a contact, but there is a lack of human connection. So, quality time between people is missing, and of course, quality time between parents and children is missing. We are currently dealing with this hustle culture that everybody has to make it. So, we are not paying enough attention and showing enough affection for one another,” she added.
In her address, the Guest Lecturer Hajia Basirat Rabiu said Muslim mothers have to be unique because Islam provides a guideline for them to work with to do things differently.
The Vice Principal (Hostel Administration) at Vanguards Academy noted it is the responsibility of mothers to train the children and manage the home.
“The unique shepherd we have come to discuss here uniquely means parenting; doing what other parents are not doing to achieve success. As Muslims, we are unique because we have a manual that we work with. By so doing, we are bound to do things differently from what other people are doing.
“The Prophet has made us understand that we are all shepherds. Specifically, he gave the role of child upbringing and management of the home to the mothers. So, it’s a unique responsibility handed over to the mothers. Men can of course be of assistance, but the women have the duty. The mother should guide, nurture, train, discipline, inspire and educate the children,” the guest lecturer said.
Advocating that women must take some steps to become unique mothers, Hajia Basirat Rabiu says it is important to prepare ahead for motherhood.
“To become a unique shepherd, Muslim mothers need to first of all train themselves. They need to prepare themselves for motherhood before the children start coming. If not, one will be learning on the job and making a lot of accidental errors. So, we need to train ourselves and get counsel before getting married, to know the task ahead.
“Every mother needs to bring up their children with good values. Look at the case of Prophet Isa (A.S), from his grandmother to his mother and himself. That shows the implication of doing the right thing. If you raise a girl badly, she ends up being a bad mother. So, we all need to be conscious of this. We should take motherhood as a priority.
“However, for Muslim sisters to achieve all these, they can’t do it alone. No one lives in isolation. We need to revive our communal lifestyle and become a shoulder for each other to lean on. Of course, there are bound to be challenges in raising children, even the prophets of Allah faced challenges. So, we need to seek help. The era of being shy to seek help is gone. We need to speak to the right people to get solutions to whatever challenges we are facing.
“Above all, there is no way a Muslim mother can become a unique shepherd without relating positively with Allah. Our relationship with Allah must be good. He is the one that provided us with the children.”
The guest lecturer also cautioned against copying other people unnecessarily, charging women to operate their parenting template in line with the dictates of Allah and the Prophet (SAW).
“Similarly, people are entangled in what is known as the bandwagon effect. We need to be ourselves as Muslim women. We don’t need to force ourselves to do what others are doing. We are leaving what Allah has ordained us to do, and giving priority to something else because other people are doing it. This aspect is very important in being a unique parent. There is a need for focus, knowledge, consistency and time management skills.”
Earlier in her welcome address, the Host Hajia Balqees Owolewa said there was increased attendance at this year’s edition of the Ummahaat Day due to the different concepts of publicity adopted by members.
She said the choice of the theme was borne out of concerns for the high level of moral decadence in the Nigerian society.
“There is kidnapping like never before, robbery, prostitution, fraud and all sorts of immoralities and crimes. Those found guilty of all these immoralities were once children who grew up in particular homes. It means their parents failed in proper parenting. We hope to bring the awareness of people to proper parenting with this conference,” the Host said.
In her goodwill message, Amirah Hajia Rofiah Tijani urged parents not to push their children into prostitution, fraud and other immoral enterprises to make money.
“Mothers must also understand that their children watch them. They should, therefore, try as much as possible to establish positive and intentional parenting. Muslim mothers should instil the knowledge of the Qur’an and morals in their children.”
Mother of the Day Alhaja Sherifah Ajoke Yusuf who keynoted the event urged Muslim parents to bring up their children in the way of Allah.
She noted that mothers specifically have huge roles to play in the physical, spiritual, moral and psychological development of their children.
“When the society is good, we should check the mothers, and when it is bad, we should also check the mothers. The mother’s arm is the first training school for the child,” she noted.
