By Maryam Abdurrasheed
* Counsellor, psychologist and technology experts address childhood wounds, compatibility, love and family responsibilities at Lagos event
For many young Muslims, the search for a spouse begins with a list of preferences. Tall. Dark. Beautiful. Successful. Romantic. Financially stable. Someone who travels. Someone emotionally compatible. God-fearing. But beneath some of these preferences may lie something far more powerful and often invisible: childhood experiences, emotional wounds, family dynamics and unconscious patterns that can quietly shape who people are attracted to and what they expect from marriage.
These issues formed part of the discussions at the third edition of Single & Secure, a relationship and personal development programme organised by Hearth Hub to help young adults understand themselves, heal from past experiences and develop the emotional capacity required for healthy relationships and marriage.
The programme, tagged Single & Secure 3.0, was held on Sunday, August 9, 2026, at Vibranium Valley, Concord Bus Stop, 42 Local Airport Road, Ikeja, Lagos, bringing together young adults and experts to discuss love, emotional security, compatibility, healing, technology and family responsibilities.
Muslim News gathered that the convener was Mrs. Bushrah Okeowo Bombata, popularly known as Mrs BOMB, a seasoned marriage counsellor and family coach and founder of Hearth Hub. She is also the author of Fakhtah, a literary work focused on healing, trauma and love.
Mentor Moh urges singles to heal before marriage
The keynote speaker, Mohammed Ademola Ahmed, popularly known as Mentor Moh, challenged participants to examine the experiences that shaped their emotional and relationship patterns before seeking a spouse.
Mentor Moh, a positive clinical psychologist, life coach and CEO of Blakmoh Consulting Company, said people’s experiences while growing up could influence their unconscious understanding of safety, love and familiarity.
“The way you were disappointed, the way you were protected, or even the way you were silenced as a child, wrote a code that still runs quietly in the background, in the unconscious,” he said.
He urged participants to adopt a trauma informed perspective by asking what happened to them rather than simply asking what was wrong with them.
“The question is what happened to you that made this pattern make sense?” he asked.
According to him, people seeking relationships should examine whether their expectations are genuinely compatible with their circumstances or are reactions to experiences from childhood.
He warned that unresolved experiences could cause people to carry unhealthy coping mechanisms into relationships.
“Until that work is done, you are not dating a person. You are dating a coping mechanism wearing a smile,” he said.
Mentor Moh also cautioned against seeing marriage as a solution to unhappiness, stressing that individuals should develop healthy emotional and psychological foundations before entering marriage.
“If you are not happy now, who tells you that it is when you get married that you’ll be happy?” he asked.
He encouraged participants to develop hope, healthy social support and realistic expectations while learning to trust their own judgement. He also urged prospective couples to look beyond superficial attraction when assessing compatibility.
“Before you ask what someone’s favorite movie is, ask how they handle conflicts with their siblings, how they show for their family, how they collaborate under pressure at work,” he said.
Young people take centre stage
Moderated by Abdurahman Idris and Rukayah Motunrayo Giwa, RMG, the event was followed by an audience driven panel discussion designed around questions submitted by young people, allowing participants to engage the speakers directly on issues affecting relationships and preparation for marriage.
Unlike a conventional panel where a moderator controls the discussion through prepared questions, participants were given the opportunity to ask the experts directly about issues affecting their relationships and preparation for marriage.
The segment, titled “What is the Problem?”, examined whether the difficulties confronting young people in relationships were linked to technology, upbringing, unresolved trauma, emotional healing or unrealistic expectations.
The panel featured the convener, Mrs Okeowo-Bombata, and Kazeem Olalekan Lawal, a project manager, technology expert and counsellor associated with Single & Secure.
One of the questions raised by an audience member was, “How do we know what true love is?”
The question prompted discussion about the different ways individuals define love and how personal experiences can shape expectations within relationships. The panellists emphasised the need for individuals to understand themselves and their expectations before determining whether another person is truly compatible with them.
Wholeness Before Togetherness: Single & Secure 2.0 equips singles for purposeful living
Bombata advocates intentional preparation
For Okeowo-Bombata, the central philosophy behind Single & Secure is that people should work on themselves before attempting to build a life with another person.
The programme’s structure reflected that approach, moving beyond discussions about finding a spouse to address emotional healing, compatibility, communication, healthy relationships and family responsibilities.
She encouraged young adults to recognise that emotional readiness is an important part of preparation for marriage, stressing the need for individuals to develop self awareness and deal with personal challenges before entering a lifelong commitment.
Lawal highlights Islamic inheritance responsibilities
Lawal, a project manager and technology expert, introduced a different but equally important dimension to the discussion by addressing Islamic inheritance and the family disputes that can arise after the death of a family member.
During the interactive session, the discussion turned to how families sometimes allow emotions, culture and personal calculations to influence the distribution of a deceased person’s property.
Lawal, who is also the founder of the KAIZEN Reading Group, warned that ignorance of Islamic inheritance principles remained widespread.
“The level of ignorance is deeper than you imagine,” he said.
He stressed the importance of Muslims understanding the rules governing inheritance rather than relying on assumptions or family traditions.
The discussion also examined inheritance within polygamous families, particularly situations where wives have different numbers of children and family members begin to argue that one person deserves more because of the size of their household.
The speakers emphasised that personal sentiment cannot replace the principles established by Islamic law.
The discussion further touched on lifetime gifts and estate planning. Lawal noted that a person could make legitimate gifts while alive but should exercise caution and understand the implications of such decisions.
He warned that poor preparation could create disputes among relatives, particularly when family members attempt to impose cultural expectations over established Islamic principles.
Technology cannot replace emotional readiness
The event also examined the growing influence of technology on modern relationships.
Social media and digital platforms have expanded the opportunities available to singles seeking potential partners. However, the speakers stressed that access to more people does not necessarily mean people are better prepared for relationships.
The challenge, they noted, is not merely finding someone but developing the capacity to communicate, manage conflict, maintain boundaries, show empathy and remain accountable within a relationship.
The programme therefore encouraged participants to approach technology as a tool rather than a substitute for self awareness, discernment and meaningful human connection.
Other highlights of the event included a virtual session titled “Building Healthy, Purposeful and Reciprocal Romantic Relationships,” facilitated by Dr. AbdulGaffar Arikewuyo.
In his session, he emphasised the importance of mutual respect as a boundary, urging participants to build trust over time and listen with the intention of understanding themselves and their partners.
He also encouraged them to deliberately work towards becoming the kind of partner they would want to have.
Elias Durotimi, popularly known as Nerdy Muslim, facilitated “The Compatibility Compass” session, while the organisers also created a Healing Room, featuring Mrs. Rainat and Mr. Sherifdeen, where participants had the opportunity to engage with issues surrounding personal healing and emotional wellbeing.
In conclusion
Rather than presenting marriage as an escape from loneliness, emotional pain or personal difficulties, Single & Secure 3.0 challenged participants to approach it as a serious responsibility requiring maturity and preparation.
The programme ultimately returned to a fundamental question for anyone preparing for marriage: not simply “Who do I want to marry?” but “Who am I becoming before I ask someone else to build a life with me?”
For the organisers, that distinction remains central to the Single & Secure philosophy: helping individuals do the inner work, develop emotional security and become better prepared for the responsibilities of partnership before saying, “I do.”
Sponsored
Nigerian Muslim Personalities of the Year 2024/2025
Global Muslim Personalities of the Year 2024/2025
